Peter Pan Syndrome

White and pastey
Originally uploaded by sideshowknits.
Everything in my life has started to reach equilibireum. But to reach the place where you can go on you have to add or subtract. That's how balence works right? Normally when I've been through the wringer of emotional havoc I add a tattoo. It releases all those pleasant endorphins and I feel much better about myself; both physically and mentally. I got a new tattoo right before I went out to LA. My dinosaur and bunny.That was what I needed, a smidge of humor when things looked so dark in the tunnel of love. Something to take my mind off the fact that I might be possibly changing my life. I still am changing my life, but in ways I never thought I would have to face so soon. How do you ask yourself when you're 25 what you will want in the far-flung future? I barely know what I want for breakfast the day before or what i am going to wear and even then the choice is mutable. I feel like regressing.So, not having the cash or the idea to get a new permanant piece of art I decided on a new hair style. The one I had before worked but I didn't like the me I was with it. I felt vunerable, I felt girly, I felt meek. I hated that person. It seemed I was someone who couldn't stand up for what they wanted, that I had to apologize all the time for things that I never thought I'd have to apologize for. I empowered myself. I got a mohawk. I figured I have two jobs that won't care much, if I kept it kinda thick, I could wear it down with a hat and look something like normal. But now I feel like I could kick the world's ass. I like the person I am when I feel tough and invincible and right now I could use a little bit of super power to get myself through the day. Now I gotta crow... and I know it's because I feel more of my old self coming back. The self that never cared what anyone thought and damn them to hell if they didn't like me. I didn't care. I still don't.

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